Discipline. I’ve written about that here. It helps for sure. What I am trying to do is to cultivate habits that I want to. I’m trying to take baby steps and only going for incremental change. But, but, but, what I’ve noticed is that it’s winding me up, stressing me out and I feel breathless. Yes, of course I want to feel breathless, but with joy, not with anxiety. However I’m in a conundrum with some of the habits – take my learning to play the guitar as an example. If I don’t practice what I learn everyday, it’s not going to serve me well is it? Ditto with drawing or running or journaling. So I’m not sure what to do really. I’m trying to carve out time to do a little of everything every day. This is over and above the work I do and being a solopreneur (solo entrepreneur) it’s tough going considering you’ve got to be the ball boy and CEO of your story. So what do I do? Should I just take one practice, one habit and do it for a month till it becomes effortless like Leo Babauta says? But then what about the guitar and the drawing and the running, etc.?
I need help here. I don’t want to feel run down and run to the ground. I want to feel elevated. Life is about packing in as much as you can, after YOLO right? Suggestions anyone?
Your life in toto. If you start listing down everything that you’re unhappy with and would love a life make-over, am pretty darned sure your list would go something like:
The body – suck your breath, suck your breath, yeah, that’s the flat stomach I want.
The body parts – Legs, arms, butt, butt hair (?), chest (or my upper lip). Sigh!
The car – that’s all I can afford man! It’s a rusty, crusty ole fart, but it gets me from one place. What I wouldn’t give for the Ford Ecosport!
The job – now let’s not even go there. Puhleeeese! I get an aneurysm when I think of the work, the pay, the boss, the commute, the late hours, the travel, the s#$t!
The house – my friend just got that cool 100,000 $ duplex in that great ‘burb. Look at mine, sheesh! If only…
The significant other – he/she’s good. Great. But you know the nagging, the sloppiness, the procrastination, the insecurity, man, it can be pretty intense sometimes you know what I mean? You at least got a nag. Me? I’ve been single so long that I long for a nag.
The parents/ family – they’re getting older, sometimes they’re a pain, but definitely okay. (And for some you may not want to really get into a conversation about your parents as that might require therapy which is charged by the hour).
The friends – I don’t have any. I have many, but some suck. I have a few and they’re great. But they’re always doing things without me and makes me wonder if they care.
The money – hell hath no fury as Mammon scorned! So we shall we suffering from lack of it in perpetuity (or so we like to kid ourselves).
The politics – the govt. sucks, the corporates suck, the environment sucks, the activists suck, the bloody world sucks man. It’s gone to the dogs I tell ya!
The future – do I have one? I don’t know. I feel headless, directionless, pointless, powerless, helpless, purpose-less, listless, yeah! Can I feel more direction-less?
The past – don’t get me started on that one.
The present – what?
Your “BOO HOO LIST” matches this more or less? Well, it doesn’t really have to match, because that’s not the point of this post. There’s always room for more (wink! wink!). But hey, if you care to notice, there’s this whole cavalcade of “More & More” gurus who’re on this trip of how we can always be more, do more, feel more, make more, drive ourselves more, build more, more, more more. Give me a break!!! The more brigade urges us to ‘see the light’, the assumption being and correctly so, that we’re blinded by our dark sides, unable to see what we’ve been blessed with. Yes, of course it’s human nature to strive more, to be more curious and explore and seek and all of that shebang.
No one said being human is not unique, you bet your bottom dollar it is. We’ve all got our own unique “BOO HOO LISTs” :). And the humdinger is that we all come from the same source, so in a sense we’re all equal and are in the pursuit of one thing – happiness. And our equality is no more apparent than in our collective disgruntlement at the state of our lives. And everywhere you go, everywhere you turn, everywhere you see, everywhere you read, everywhere you listen, what do you hear? Exhortations of how you can do better, that you don’t have to carp about your oh-so-dull-meaningless-life and meditate and practice yoga and just “vision” the chakras and “feel” the energy.
Yeah right! If it was that simple, we’d all be in Utopia right now, swigging Jack Daniels or sipping on a Long Island Iced Tea and laughing our heads off at the suckers who haven’t got it and be asking them to “look here, look here I say, breathe, inhale, exhale, s…l…o…w…l…y!”.
I walk, practice yoga and meditation and journal and have a good cry (as I did today), pray, feel positive on most days, am mindful of what I eat, have a great set of friends (bless them!) and family (double bless them!) and all of that, and yet….Yet, there are days like today, when my Boo Hoo List gets longer and I just want to fling it at the Heavens and scream, “why is it so difficult to be me?” The loneliness of being alone with your loneliness is the scariest of them all. And then it comes to you like a flash – it’s not about getting what you want, it’s never been about getting what you want. It’s always been about wanting what you got.
How much do you really really want, what you really really got? Think about it and let me know. It’d be great to exchange notes. And hey, if you like what you read, why don’t you share? Sharing is after all caring :).
Have a great weekend. And soak up the sun! And the sun doesn’t have to be that ball of fire in the sky. The sun is within.