Pardon the title of my rant, yes, today it’s a rant. It’s not meant to send ripples of shock through all well-heeled oh so prim and propah ladies and genteel men out there. It is what it is, period.
I want to ask each of you men and women in the world, wherever you may be, First World, Third Word, BRICS, SAARC or Wallis & Futuna Islands in the South Pacific (yes there are 1300 Internet users in a population of 15,000, data as on June 2010) or Nauru (where there are 340 FB users believe it or not out of a population of 9,332) or from Timbuktu, “are you a sexual being?” If you say, No, then STOP reading this rant right here, right now.Go.
This is what this gorgeous woman had to day, on sexuality and I agree. You do know who she is right? Maybe you don’t and I don’t want to appear with a chip on my shoulder, she’s the famously infamous, the one and only, of the “Happy birthday Mr.President” fame, and the 7-year itch, Marilyn Monroe.
So if we’re all sexual beings, do the rules bend a wee bit when it comes to men and women? Awww…come on, we women, most of us, from most parts of the world which unlike the land of milk and honey, know the answer to that one. For those women who are from the advanced, more liberal, more forward-looking nations, including the land of milk and honey AND think that the rules are the same, sure, let us know how, will you? Thanks.
So before you go about hyperventilating and think am stereotype-bashing and being cliched, all I can say is, hey, I have an opinion. Do you dare to deny me a day of dissing about dis and dat?
Man Sex Rules of Engagement : If you’re a man (and please, I know there are a lot of male ‘followers’ of my blog so don’t bash me up, but I speak from experience and sure, it’s subjective) then this is what’s kosher when it comes to sex:
a) One trial, published in the Journal of Sex Research, found that men think about sex – on average – 34 times a day, compared with women’s 19. (as quoted in an article in The Telegraph). Meaning? It’s okay to think about sex almost twice an hour. (We’re men and we can’t help it you see.)
b) Studies are still being conducted to figure out where exactly in the brain pleasure resides – hypothalamus, the medial cortex, some parts of the temporal lobe – so it’s not just about the penis looking at a vagina and going, ‘give it to me baby’. But every man looks at a woman and is immediately ratcheting up a score. Perhaps involuntarily, but that’s how psychology made you honey, not I. Translated it means – can’t help it if we’re looking at a woman neck downwards even when saying ‘hello’. Dang!
c) It somehow seems a man’s primordial birthright to have many women sexual partners. In fact it may even be considered ‘manly’ to have had at least a few, meaning more than 1, in his lifetime. And it’s okay if he actually is keeping score and perhaps even flaunts it. He’s a man, after all. Also, just refer to (a) above and any man will immediately shrug and say, ‘what can I do, we’re just made that way’.
d) Let’s face it – human beings are not monogamous in nature. We’re all not meant to be ‘a one woman man’ or vice versa. Yes, you read right. Women are also not meant to be a ‘one man woman’. But someone somewhere laid down the rules. Guess who!
But here is where it gets complicated:-
For some reason men feel insecure if a woman has had a number of sexual partners.
Women feel insanely jealous when men so much as look at other women.
Men definitely want to be a woman’s first love and women want to die knowing they were their man’s last romance.
Men want to come home to sex-on-tap. The women should be waiting, preferably wearing a teddy and panting for her man. Should be available anytime, every time, so they can have the pleasure of saying “I’m tired tonight honey“. Rejection? No, just exercising your right.
Ditto women. Difference being in her denial of sex to her man, the classic, “Not tonight doll, got a headache”. Does that still work I wonder! Maybe it’s more like, “Got an early morning flight to catch and a meeting to attend.” Rejection? Maybe, maybe just genuinely dog-tired, so no doggy tonight.
When you’re sexting, a man will ask, “is that from experience?” Secretly jealous and insecure of the woman’s sexual adeptness. Really? Grow up!
When a woman is in the throes of groaning and moaning and getting ‘there’, she doesn’t give a damn about ‘how many women have you fingered?’. All she wants to do is, come.
Here are a few basics that I want to throw at men (perhaps from the culture and country that I come from and it may not hold good for the more liberal, aware, spiritual, modern men out there from different parts of the globe, but on the other hand, if there are more liberal, spiritual, aware, liberal, genuinely secure in-their-own-skin men, will you please stand up, please stand up?).
a) What is really important to you when you’re with a woman?
b) Does a sense of humour, warmth, compassion, sharp mind, authenticity, talent, skill, score way way way below on the ‘desirable qualities’ scale? If yes, then what are those desirable qualities that you so desire, pray tell? Come on spit it out!
c) How important is it for your peace of mind and the health of the relationship to know how many men your woman has had sex with?
d) If your woman has had way more sexual partners in the past than you, would that mean she should be automatically branded as being promiscuous?
e) When a woman professes to have had many sexual partners, does that put her in danger of being regarded as ‘dirty’, ‘untrustworthy’, ‘unreliable’ and therefore not commitment-worthy?
f) What would you prefer – a woman who’s completely honest about having had a healthy sexual appetite and unapologetic of her sexuality OR someone who has to keep up pretenses of being Ms. Goody-two-shoes?
g) Would you get really mad if the woman were to question you about the many women you had and decide to drop you like a hot potato as she thought you were a gigolo? Not acceptable? Why?
Confounding questions. Complicated answers? Don’t know.
All I do want to know is, why in the name of all that is holy and sacred, knowing the fucking score so essential to your fragile ego? Are you not man enough to get that yes, we can, we have, we will indulge our desires. Because hey, we don’t think of sex 34 times in a day, but it’s essential and under all circumstances being ordinarily normal, we know when we want to be a “one woman man”. That’s right. I’m not advocating some mad, butt-hopping, sex-crazy, unable to keep her Os down kind of orgiastic, female Don Juan kind of life for crying out loud. Nope, being promiscuous and getting infected with STD is the last thing I’d wish for anyone. But “How many men have you been with?” is not a question that I’d ever like to hear ever again. Not even out of idle curiosity. Get it?