I’m not an expert at “how to” or self-help. I’m not a therapist either. I’m just an ordinary woman with regular, ordinary bouts of self-worth doubts and hitting nadir on the Self-confidence scale. It happens to me regularly. Well if you were in your mid-40s, single, have a stuttering business, an old mother to take care of, with no expectations of any actual help or support coming from any quarter now or in the near future, all you have is yourself. To whip into shape and make that shift happen so the shit doesn’t hit the roof as it often does.
So when you’re looking at the world with the snot running down your nose, when you look at LinkedIn profiles of super talented, super achievers, when you look at the startup ecosystem of young, raring to go, full of beans youngsters, when you look at superwomen achievers who manage to balance the work, partying, the Hamptons, the children, the Guccis with not-a-hair-out-of-place look, the book signing, the 100,000 advance pre-orders on their books, the “how I got out of depression, or an abusive relationship and today am the CEO of a super successful 100 $ million business”, the cover on Time, or whatever it is that basically defines today’s success, you do wonder what you’ve done with your life no? No? Then let me say cheers to you. Because I’m weak and foolish and stupid and human and flawed and have green-eyed monsters tickling my amygdala and then the snot runs freely, dripping on my wrists as I feel that ugly gremlin called Hopelessness dwarf me. Yikes!
You may have someone to share your fears with. You may have sweet, accommodating friends and relatives with whom you can sip coffee and say, “i hate myself, feel like killing myself”, and get the requisite concern, the shocked eyebrows, the clucking of mother hen and the arms around you and fantastic sage advice. That could help sure. I don’t have the luxury of all of that. Friends are in different geographies and phone chats don’t work. Added to that is the fear that I’d be considered needy, self-centred, self-obsessed and repetitive and boring. People have lives to lead. Not listen to litany of woes. And how much can the distance-comforting really comfort? It does help to talk with them believe you me, but for me I let it pass. I know I have to cope and I do. Red eyes et al, sniffles and hiccups albeit, I manage. For me it’s like a routine matinee show – set time, set place, set drama. Who knows me better than me?
But since I’ve been spending horrendous amounts of hard earned money which isn’t really getting replenished easily, on coaching, some 3 things I’ve learnt that can put you out of your blue funk is:
a) Twist & shout – Shake your entire body. Just get up and shake yourself out of the emotions that have taken hold of you. And focus on your feet. As the brain takes in your feet, it really doesn’t have time to process on the emotions that are nipping at your feet. Aaargh! Get off your a-holes!! Slowly find that your breathing normalises and suddenly that whole visual of the world being T-Rex waiting to rip your innards up, slowly but surely dissipates. The hills are alive with the sound of music…tra la la la la!
b) Pour some sugar on me. Have a car? A bicycle? A motorbike? A ski? A horse? Legs? Great. Get out of the house and grab a dunkin donut or something sweet. Feel the sugar rush. Bite into a jam-filled donut or a chocolate brownie with the chocolate sauce and vanilla ice cream meltingly inviting. Lick it up, feel the chocolate moustache around your lips, go on, get your hands messy. And if you don’t feel better at the end of that messy exercise, eat a chilli.
c) Born This Way – look at yourself. This is it. You’re born this way. This is your face, your body, your mind, your life. If you don’t wanna change it, well, no one will honey! So go out there and face the truth. And stop mooning. Take action. Because we really have one life to live and YOLO! Really, truly, madly, badly! So just do it, with or without your Nikes. Take 5 minutes, write 5 lines on what you want to do. And then commit to it. Spoiler alert: I’m still trying this last one out…not easy, blimey!
Yup, get yourself out of a blue funk. It’s time to make the world go rose or pink or violet? Whatever, colour me bad, but for your own sake, don’t feel blue. Say cheese!