“There are leaders and those who lead. Those who lead inspire us.”
Morning run today.My phone in my track pants, my headphones plugged in, listening to my Stitcher station – the Good Life Project. Jonathan Fields I love you and God willing before my US visa runs out, I will participate in your Immersion project, Amen! Anyway as I was training for my 5k (hopefully) on Women’s Day, I heard Pixar studious founder Ed Catmull talk about a variety of subjects with Jonathan Fields. And as usual my mind raced. As usual I wrote blog posts out. And as usual by the time I finished 24 mins. on the clock, of my huff and puff run, I forgot all about it.
But one thing continued to resonate in my being. The sound of Jonathan Fields asking, “what’s your why?”. I don’t know exactly when he mentioned it during the course of his conversation with Mr.Catmull, but it struck me. What’s your why? What’s you…why? Hm…what’s my why?
Why? What a lovely question. Listen to Simon Sinek and you will know even more deeply, why, why is important. Not what, not how, not where, not when, but why. Why. I came home, sat down for my meditation. Crossed my legs, and began. And there it was – that darned question, ‘what’s my why?’. I decided to explore a bit and see where it led.
Why did I love to travel? I loved to travel because it made me feel free.
Why did it make me feel free? Because I didn’t feel like I was in a cage.
Why did I feel that I was in a cage back home? Because I felt that people were constantly watching, measuring, observing, forming opinions.
Why did I feel that people were constantly watching? Because I felt that I was always on edge and put on some kind of show of being me when perhaps I really was not.
Why did I feel that I had to put on an act? Because if I didn’t, and showed who I truly was people would reject me and not take cognisance of my existence?
Why was it important for me to have the external world validate my existence? Because how else would I know I was alive? I needed to know that I was from the outside.
Why would you not know that you were alive and give that power to the external world? Because it’s always been that way.
Why has it always been that way? Because I’ve known no other or been to afraid to explore another way.
Why have you been too afraid to seek out another path? Because I don’t know if I could go it alone I mean without letting the outside butt in.
Why can’t you try going it alone? Because I don’t trust myself.
Aah! My wind wandered as I struggled with my full heart to understand what transpired. I didn’t trust myself. I had trust issues. I didn’t trust the Universe to be there for me. Distrust was deeply embedded in my soul. And now when I think of it, the truth of the matter may well lie in my past which I’ve buried 10 layer deep and thrown the keys away.
There’s a story that we all have, buried deep within our DNA about why we do what we do. Start with the why. It’s a good place to start.