It’s okay!Really.

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”
Neil Gaiman

Oh my God! I’ve never read Neil Gaiman and I know people who read and consider themselves bibliophiles and intellectuals will roll their eyes and wonder if I’ve been living on Mars! But it’s okay really, isn’t it? I found this gorgeous quote, and I adore every word he’s said and I so believe in it. Should I be sorry or ashamed or flaunt a chip on my shoulder because I found Neil Gaiman’s quote and pretend that I’ve read all his books? Life’s short isn’t it?

Yesterday and today I’ve heard a couple of great podcasts. First up, Lewis Howes with Keith Ferrazi. Don’t miss it. I own “Never Eat Alone” and remember picking it up at a book sale because it seemed interesting. It is. Haven’t read the whole book, but by Jove, after listening to him on this podcast I will finish it now. He’s brilliant.

Second up, Debbie Millman with her brilliant Design Matters podcast. This episode she’s talking with Liz Danzico, listen in. While listening to these amazing people, my mind is usually in a whirr and thinking, oh God! I should blog about this and blog about that and this is what I feel and how I’d love to share and so on. Sometimes I can picture my blog and the post, replete with title et al. Then as the day goes by, I remember it vaguely and then eventually I forget about it. Well, maybe not the title but the emotion behind the essay and my point of view and what I wanted to share and the angle at which I wanted to come at it and so on. It’s listening to Keith Ferrazi that gave me the idea to write my last post of the year 2014.

I won’t go about doing a rewind, lessons learnt, best-of-my-blog (which is so embarrassingly narcissistic ewww!) or let you in on my resolutions (which has remained unchanged for decades now I think, just goes to show how resolved I am to adhere to my resolutions, he he he) or ask you yours. No, none of that really. After all 365 days come and go in a cycle, it’s ok ain’t it? It’s been happening for millennia and doesn’t seem like it’s going to change track anytime soon. So here’s what I want to leave you with for 2014 and 2015 as we all embark on yet another roller coaster called life.

a) It’s your birthday and you don’t have 3,000 comments and wishes and “likes” on FB. You feel so worthless and hopeless and so J of that one friend who always seems to garner the attention. You have bitchy, mean thoughts about her. Be truthful to yourself. It’s okay, really, your true self won’t bite.

b) You hear news about 132 innocent children being killed in a part of the world by zealots. You want to scream and beat your chest and hate the world we live in. Do it. It’s okay to do so, really.

c) Your body in the mirror is not looking too peachy and perky and you can cellulite right under the skin of your thighs. Should you go under the knife you wonder?! It’s okay really to harbour such thoughts.

d) George Clooney got married to Amal Alamuddin and she’s pregnant. You sigh a deep sigh that can be heard in the nether regions of the Amazon forest. Why God, why not me you wail. It’s okay, really. Wail away!

e) Aircrafts disappearing, people killing each other, women being abducted, women being brutally raped and murdered, young girls and boys being raped and murdered, volunteers dying of Ebola and the world’s in a downward spiral. You scream, “Stop, stop, dammit, I wanna get off!” Nobody’s listening. Shriek, scream, yell. It’s good to vent your spleen. It’s okay, really.

f) As the hairs turn grey on your scalp and the “non-ammonia” hair colour runs out faster than you can say L’Oreal, you look at the younger women and long for youth to return. You who? Can’t remember? Best to forget, it’s okay, really.

g) When you realise that you’re never ever going to be Steve Jobs, Oprah, Sara Blakely, Marie Forleo or any of the super successful, gorgeous with the best bods in the world, and that you will continue to toil like all good and honest people, you accept it. It’s okay, really. Someone’s got to do the job of being ‘ordinary’, ‘average’ and ‘regular Joe’. How will these gorgeous and super successful people be benchmarked otherwise? Hmmm…never thought of that did you?

h) Your bookshelves and readers and library memberships are crying out loud, “read the books, dammit!” and yet, year after year after year, they remain stoic and unflinching, staring at your from their lofty abodes. Don’t panic, just let them be. They’re your retirement nest-egg. It’s okay, really.

i) That lovely shift dress or the fantastic Levi’s with the extraordinary waist tag of 26″ that you’ve still got hanging in your closet, smirking at you everyday, provoking you into making those resolutions, “God, I won’t eat cup cakes no more and I swear, absolutely, that I will not add sugar in my coffee or bake brownies or eat that almond ganache and stay off fries, forever.” And forever is over, now, right now, pouff! Sigh, it’s okay, really.

j) Your bank balance isn’t creaking with the weight of its contents and you feel so broke and listless and wonder if there’s ever going to be a time in your life when you’ll be rich. Well, feel miserable and keep wondering. Because you’ll keep feeling miserable if you don’t do something and keep wondering. It’s okay, really.

k) Your parents just don’t get you. Your boyfriend just doesn’t want anything more than a good night of sex. Your girl friends all seem to be doing what they’re “supposed to be doing” and you’re an anomaly.But everybody’s lying about their “perfect lives” while you wear your heart on your sleeve. That’s who you are. It’s okay, really. I wouldn’t have you any other way and those who would, they aren’t worth having around you anyway.

l) You’re determined to turn over a new leaf in the next 365 days and somehow think that once you turn over, life’s good. Everything will come to a standstill like in a photograph and that Life will be bliss ever after. At least you thought of doing something to turn over a new leaf. What happens next, is for next. It’s okay, really to not have all the answers.

m) Sometimes, even when you’re surrounded by friends, at a party, a movie, a mall, a restaurant, at a marketplace, you feel alone. And then it hits you, we’re all alone. It’s okay, really.

n) You have great, amazing, fabulous friends. But sometimes you don’t really get along with them and find it difficult to articulate your truly feelings. True feelings could hurt and harm, so why risk it. We’re all flawed. It’s okay, really.

o) As you get older, you realise that all the things we worried about when we were younger: men, sex, scoring, skin, size 10 (or whatever size you were trapped in to believe is the ideal size), career, having a certain status, success, popularity, cool clothes, bags, shoes, legs, hair, make up, watches, property, cars, latest gadgets, exotic holidays, parties, drugs, rock n roll, were zilch! If you can touch your toes and not pee in your panties when you laugh or fart when you’re making out is a blessing. Just being able to breathe is a blessing. It’s okay, really, to get old. It’s liberating.

That’s it folks. Whatever you do, wherever you are, whoever you are, however you are, just continue to be you even as the clock strikes 12 and January 1, 2015 embraces you. We all have one life to live and love. Let’s love shall we? And if you’re shy, it’s okay. If you’re angry, it’s okay. If you’re bat crazy it’s okay. If you’re single it’s okay. If you’re gay it’s okay.If you’re a man, woman, transgender it’s okay. If you’re rich or poor, successful or striving, it’s okay. I don’t have the answers to homeless, hungry, orphaned, maimed, psychologically scarred and other people for whom life is a curse. I know it’s not okay. Right now however, I go forth with one aim and the aim is to be gentle, decent, compassionate, kind, merciful and grateful. That’d surely be okay right?

Brilliant 2015 to all of you! Do what your heart sings out to you. Never miss a beat. Don’t be scared. Don’t freeze. Make things. Make mistakes. Try new things. Don’t worry that you’re not good enough. That no one loves you. Do something. Anything. Breathe. Hallelujah!

Life in discipline!

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.

Jim Rohn

The world is 8 days away from turning over a new leaf and bathing each of us living beings with Hope, Faith and Renewed Determination of making something more of our lives. It’s that time of the year when we Rewind and shake our heads in regret, get a twinkle in our eyes from that lovely goal we achieved, that gorgeous memory, the lovely warm feeling of being loved and cherished by people you care about, the surprises that were oh so unexpected and so very welcome, the sadness for something you said, the dawn of realisation of the depths to which people can sink, how people disregard you even though you reach out to them and so on and so forth.

For me, I have realised that when I am disciplined about my life, be it drinking water, exercising, practicing my practices, writing, or anything else I choose to do, life opens up. In ways that I can’t imagine. Even breathing in a disciplined manner makes breathing so effortless, so full of life, so breath taking.

So  come 2015 and I plan to steer my life that befits it. With a discipline that is required of living. I hope to make self-discipline my bridge between my goals and accomplishment. What about you? What do you plan to do as the new year beckons? Because it’s not just a new year, but a second chance to make good. Go forth, achieve discipline and see your life blossom. Yoo hoo!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When a hiatus leads to exploration!

“Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future.  Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.  Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”
Maya Angelou, Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now

Maya Angelous is amazing. She’s just blessed with the wisdom and a wonderful expression. She gets it, and she gets it right everytime.

So yes, I was on a break last week. Away from the cares which were not withdrawing from me. I got back last Saturday, feeling totally revitalised. When I went to see my Life Coach yesterday, I was surprised at my more than normal loquacity, my clarity, my quiet and steely determination to be more, my inner calm. I believe it all came because of the vacation I took.

We’re busy people. Even if we’re not really busy, we like to fake busy-ness. It’s how our world is, how we’ve developed a harsh system where our worth is determined by how busy = doing something to make money/ career/ life = worth/ status = arrived in life/ esteem/ prestige/ impressions = acknowledgement/ recognition = continue to be busy = success = happiness (?) (perhaps).

When you really look at that above equation, what do you see? I see a vortex of inextricable isms, that we all strive towards. For whose sake? I don’t know. I know that for the longest time I was so caught up and shaken and stirred by that ‘ism that it caused a schism in my inner world. I’ve been scarred, brutally by what I thought and continue to think in a small degree that life is about what others think of you, of how you measure up to what people expect and deem as the benchmark of success. It’s of course nice to read about books that inspire you to ‘be yourself, quit the fucking job if you don’t like it, go make your own road, walk the path less trodden, work hard, follow your bliss, get a life’, but when push comes to shove, it ain’t easy brother. So what’s the best we can opt for? Stay busy. Fake it till you make it (we live on hope after all!). Till it comes to bite you in the butt.

And then when the mind is in a whirr, when the body is staggeringly exhausted, when the emotions are at a tipping point, compelling you to lean over the edge, you know you need to take a break. It’s so very welcome, oh my God, it’s like water to a parched throat.
I know that this time around, my break taught me:

a) Making time for yourself with your family is an absolute. No time for ‘no time’. It helps to reconnect and re-establish bonds.
b) Making time for breaks is again a non-negotiable. They don’t have to be expensive, 4-week and 6-week vacations to exotic locales. FB doesn’t care where you go, and if you’re a selfie junkie, well what can I say, get a life!
c) Short weekends or extended weekends are a must. Go alone if you have to, but go you must. They juice you up.
d) Age is a wonderful healer and teacher. It’s taught me to let go of comparisons. Hark now, the angels said, “this insight will come to you only when you leave your home and hearth and explore newer, fresher climes and places. March on.” This break reinforced my belief in myself. It’s nice to back myself up. It must be the hills I say, something about hills and hilly terrain, it makes you feel insignificant. Yup, that must be it.
e) Acceptance. Yes, strangely, this time, at a subliminal level, I think all the inner work that I’ve been doing actually helped me realise that I wasn’t perfect. But I was imperfectly whole. And that I may never be the best in anything, the smartest, the prettiest, the worthiest, the succesful-est, the wealthiest, the funniest, the fastest. So be it. This is who I am and where I stand is my square of earth. This is me. And that square of the Universe cares for me and I’m the mistress of all that I survey on that square. Yes, I’m an empress. If you’re one, good for you. Come, let’s clink our glasses.
f) Vacations are a practice. Not just fun, away-from-home experiences, but a practice. And practice makes perfect. I’m going to practice so often, oh boy,hooo haaa!
g) Our planet is magnificent. It’s peopled by truly extraordinary human beings with extraordinary cultures and practices. When I breathe all of that extraordinariness in, what do you think that makes me? :). Yup, extraordinary is good. I like extraordinary.

Didn’t I tell you that a little bit of hiatus every now and then is a good thing? It shapes you, moulds your thinking, makes you wonder about the shit you were pissed about. You go, “for that? really? waaa!” and roll your eyes. It’s an exploratory journey. About what makes you tick. What’s more, while your rambling along on that path, checking a crevice here, peeking into a cranny there, someone could slip you Cupid’s arrow and you could be intertwined with a new love forever. Now if that wasn’t reason enough to grab the last ticket out to anywhere, somewhere, maybe you need to go visit Mars!

Colbie Caillat I love you. Your songs  make me feel bubbly. Just like hiatuses.

 

 

 

“In quotes”

Beauty is as beauty does, beauty is as beauty feels, beauty is as beauty sees. I give you a story in images. Make of it what you will. A story like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder. Your interpretation is as beautiful as mine, for after all what you see, no one else sees. You are unique, as am I.

I’m taking a mini-break and so The Jukebox Chronicles and the chronicler will be in absentia next week. Miss the chronicles, long for it, wait for it to get back, but but but, continue to hum your tune. Love you. Learning to love myself too.

 

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Looks can be deceptive

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