So I had a meltdown today. My life coach had to bear the brunt of it. I bared things that I’d only ever dared to bare to myself. I say “dare to bare” because it takes gumption and courage to be truthful and honest with oneself because Truth as they say is bitter. And courage doesn’t come by the bushel load you know.
When saying what I did to him, it brought out into the open something that was raw, tender and obviously very significant. I realised that I could say these things to someone who I thought would be non-judgemental. We use these terms such as non-judgemental so deftly only because we want so much to believe that it’s okay to share our deepest anxieties and fears and shames with these people. When a meltdown takes place like mine today, I feel, it’s okay, he/she’s non-judgemental. Wrong! We are ALL judgemental. And if anyone tells you otherwise it’s a load of BS! Be that as it may, for now, believing in it is convenient.
So am not courageous enough to share what my meltdown with you. What has been spinning around like a carousel in my mind, for some strange unrelated reason is how much we take our life for granted.
When I think of all the little things that actually go like clock work in my life, I am gobsmacked by Life’s magnanimity and selflessness.
a) You wake up in the morning to the sound of dawn and the light of the sun. In most nations and places around the globe I think that holds good right? It holds good for me. I don’t even think about it. Until now.
b) When I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth aching to be cleaned, there’s water in the tap and the light bulb streams light. The paste is there, the tooth brush is there, all waiting in the wings to make their entry. They’ve been waiting all night to play their part.
c) The refrigerator works, fresh milk is delivered (unless there’s been an emergency with the milkman, or a riot or a ‘bandh’ or a natural disaster), there’s enough LPG in the cylinder, the gas light works, the gas stove is on and tea/ coffee bubbles away happily spouting steam.
d) The paper is delivered every single day of the year unless the publication is shut for a festival.
e) Mornings come alive every day and have been doing so for millennia and what do we do? We take it for granted! “Oh morning? Morning, who? Er…morning! Hmm, morning eh?” No respect. That’s what we do.
The car starts, the petrol bunks have fuel, laptops fire up, mails start pouring in, the notifications and alerts on your smartphone never cease, your kids wake up, your mother makes breakfast, your friends remember your birthday, you go to a movie and the caramel popcorn is waiting to be crunched, and yeah, life goes on.
Why do we never understand the immensity of Life? Why do we constantly think that Life has got to be something more? Purpose, clarity, goal, objectives, potential, ambition, desire, aspiration, striving, struggling, do more, be more, have more, grow more, more, more, more. But why? For what? To what end? I don’t really know.
I do know this – my meltdown today may be important to me. But in the context of Life and the Universe, it’s not even a mole on a tiny grain of sand. Life is too big. Too large-hearted.Too much. Why do we try and make it small with our limited thinking? Got to smell the roses to realise that Life is fragrant, while we’r too busy worrying about the thorns! Tsk tsk!
We’re so finite in its infinite-ness! When will we learn?