I’m in pain. A lot of self-inflicted pain. Things are not going as they should be. My work is causing me worry. The lack of self-worth is beginning to creep up sneakily from the inside (yes, not from behind, it’s always from the inside). And I feel alone, so miserably alone because it is tough to share how down and out you feel when everyone is combating their own fears and failures. My mind is abuzz with questions, as usual. Can anything other than questioning lead us to light? So now you know why I question so much :).
- Why do people treat other people like they don’t matter? It kills me when friends, family, clients, acquaintances don’t bother responding to emails, calls, texts, Whatsapp or anything. Please don’t tell me that you’ve not seen the message, or that your cell phone or laptop was being flushed down the toilet or that you sat on it or something. Because we’re all connected and how. Of course you are busy. Understandable. My message may not be on your list of priorities. But not responding to a simple text message in any form for hours and days on end? Sorry miss, missus or sir, you are full of crap. Because hey, if you have to ignore, then let’s be straightforward about it. Stop the BSing and the excuses. No one was born yesterday. What’s worse and gets my goat is when these same ‘full of crap’ people will ask you, “I sent you a message, didn’t you get it?” And why do they ask you? Because you haven’t answered them in 30 seconds like you normally do, or perhaps you forgot and didn’t respond by quickly apologising or perhaps you just don’t know how to make excuses and almost always always always respond. It’s all about those goddamned expectations. I should’ve set mine right, right at the beginning. Am I holier than thou? Don’t I take my time over responses to email for instance? Sometimes I do but only with people I can take the liberty of doing so. But I always respond. So yes, it’s a huge bugbear. What eventually happens is that snarky, sneaky voice called ‘IV'(Inner Voice) literally drips into you, slooooowly, drip by drip. It calls on your inner resilience and asks you with a sneer, “So you don’t matter see? No one cares. And what you say is not important, never has been. He he he!” There goes my carefully constructed body of work on self-worth. Aaargh!
- Why are we all so anxious on ‘what will she/ he think’? I have no bloody clue. I think it may be the conditioning beginning in utero, don’t you? I mean, really perhaps from the time a woman is pregnant, people always comment on her belly, the size, the shape, her form, her clothes, her nauseas and other discomforts, her cravings, her paranoias, baby names, and I think, the baby inside goes, “Oh, so that’s how it works eh? Everyone’s opinion matters. Hmmm….” Poor little baby. I used to feel very anxious about who thought what of me. Nowadays I am getting more and more comfortable in my own skin and so yes, while some people still have the power to hurt me (no, am not telling), that power has receded by a factor of 200%. Not bad Miss Latebloomer, good for ya! :).
- Why do we so easily discount our own “feelings” and instead opt to listen to reason, rationale, or other opinions not our own? Aah! Tiring isn’t it to think that we’re always telling our heart and our soul, “you don’t matter, you don’t matter”, when all we should be doing is “I love myself”. Please read Kamal Ravikant’s simple but effective book called “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended On It”. Read James Altucher’s post and you will know what I mean. Oh and please don’t become a James Altucher fan and ditch me ok? :)…Just kidding! See? My self-worth and insecurity was as transparent as Saint Gobain glass what?
- Why is your approval important to me? For some reason, acknowledgement by others of our own skill, talent or success (what about failure?) automatically seems to transmogrify into our own opinion of ourselves. True ain’t it? Think of how one, just one measly moment in your life when others’ approval or opinion did not matter. Be honest with yourself, don’t give a damn about me. See? There you go, you were wondering, weren’t you, how honest you could be? For that teensy weensy moment you were actually contemplating not being 100% honest, weren’t you? :). Yup, I know that feeling, it happens :).
- Why do we give up on ourselves? You don’t think we do? But we do. At least I do. I have, many times in the past. I please guilty. I don’t realise my own strength, my own resilience, my own good sense, my own “feeling”/ instinct/ gut-feel/ intuition (call it what you will) will hold me in good stead as it always has my back, unquestionably. And every time I have trusted my instinct or listened to my heart the results have been astonishing. The sad part is it takes a lot of time to build that trust with yourself. If you’re already there, then wow, you’re a guru and can teach me a few things. Please.
So hey, a million questions but let’s take it one blog post, one day, one scenario at a time shall we? Can’t be too rushed about these truth bulbs now can we? It’s been unlit for so long that if we rush it, it could blow a fuse. Let’s dance and sing and be merry, because I think we were put on this earth to find joy and be joyous. What’s your opinion? Share share share. Let your voice be heard. Silence is no longer golden!
Well, Adam Levine has this to say…