2014! 41 days today since “Happy New Year” reverberated around the world ushering in Hope. Desire. Resolutions. Intentions. Love. Freedom. Hope (again). Didn’t we say the world is round? Aah!
One of my resolutions was to actually start a blog. And write my heart out there every day, for the rest of my life (hopefully). God alone knows whom I was kidding!
Anyway, I’ve been a writer of sorts, writing my own Musings and sending it out to a close knit group of friends and then suddenly stopping it for no fathomable reason. I did it for 6 months week on week and it got some decent feedback, and there was, dare I say, a little pang of regret that I didn’t continue. Oh well, “if only” ism kicks in right about….Now!
At one point I maintained a blog and then I maintained 2 and before you know it I think I had 3 and I was furiously writing on each of them. Heart break and other stuff. So it was personal. And I didn’t want anyone to ever read it. My God, what if someone discovered my latest crush and then it became the “hush! here she comes. She fell for that guy!” kind of fodder?! I did think I was important. Hah! Hey, but it still got a few “hits” and I became friends too with other “bloggers” some of whom I’ve still managed to keep in touch with. Cool eh?
In the meantime life chugged on. And then 2013 happened. Like 2012 and 2011 and 2010 and so on. Basically time was making its way through memory and soul and space like Superman zipping through to meet Lois Lane! :). To cut a long story short, my soul, during one of those meditation thinggiess, kind of nudged me and said, “Psst! Psst! hey, you Renu, why don’t you start a blog again? You love to write, you love to connect with people and you have (rolling it’s eyes a bit now, looking slightly embarrassed) a little more grey in your hair and therefore maturity (hopefully) + you’ve done so much inner work, so why don’t you?” And so I listened to my soul (bless you!) and I quickly got on to wordpress and spent 2 days figuring out the difference between wordpress.org and wordpress.com, upgrades and what not and got my blog registered. Aah, wait a minute! This doesn’t cover the agonising, yes agonising over “what name shall I publish it under”, “will it be catchy”, “will it reflect what I want to write about” and so on and so forth. I couldn’t have my earlier blogspot name. So I had to get a new name. A name that would be about you and me and our daily song. A song that would set us on our way as we navigated through the days of our lives. A song that would become our soul calling for the day. A song that you could borrow from me if you liked what I put out or you could add for someone else to borrow, or just for you and I to hum.
And so was born thejukeboxchronicles.com. Applause! Applause!Don’t remember the exact date. But it was probably Jan 9th. And ever since I’ve been pro-f#$@-crastinating. Not a single post. Silence. Friends are urging me. Reminders from WordPress are flooding my InBox. And I keep waiting. Twiddling my thumbs. Watching movies. Going on a road-trip of a vacation. Reading more blogs. Thinking of stuff to write. And getting despondent. Worrying about where my life was headed. Why I couldn’t really get it up? (no pun intended, am a woman for Chrissakes!) And procrastination had me by the jugular.
So how do you get the BIG O when Pro-crasti-nation has you by the ______!
1) You continue to fret, worry and get your mind all knotted up like a ball of wool. Oh God!
2) You continue to watch TV even as the Steps 1 – 3 to get into “action” mode plays out in your mind. You’re on a roll, sure, but you continue to sit and watch the ads, surf the channels and look glazed. God!
3) You tell yourself everyday while you are sitting on the pot, “I will start this today”. Finish your business, get out of the loo and continue with whatever unfinished business you had in the first place. The pressure you put on “I will start this today” really helps the business of bowels. It roars (thanks Katy Perry). Yes!! Yes!!
4) You go to the supermarket, or a vacation, or a “sale” and feel thrilled. For a second! Because that darned voice inside your head won’t stop nudging you and asking you,”So when are you doing/starting/practicing that thing you said you were going to do?” Aaarghh!!! Oh God, you don’t wanna stop now do you?
5) Friends benignly ask, “so when are you doing this thing that you were intending and screamed from the rooftops about it?” You just beg the Lord, “can I just curl up somewhere”? Because by now, pro-crasti-nation has me by the short and curlies and how! Oh God, please, no, yes, oh no!
6) You keep typing out the url of your mint new blog in your browser and you like what you see. Or do whatever it is that you have procrastinating for so long and then quickly, instantly switch off. You forget the admin password and panic. Then that pesky gremlin of an inner voice says calmly,mockingly “Relax. Inhale. Exhale. So what if you forgot the password? You weren’t going to get this going today anyhow were you?” And just like that you sink further into…yup. Yes, yes, yes, oh yes!
7) You listen desperately to The Good Life Project or other audios of inspiring people. You download, rewind, plug in your headphones and go about your walk listening. Come back, refreshed,smiling and…procrastinating! God no, no, no, ooooh!
8) You treat this pro-crasti-nation like your lover and you try all kinds of positions. The missionary seems to be the best one, yeah! Pro-crasti-nation on top! Ohmigodnoyespleaseno yesgetoffofmeyesplease!
Bet no one ever told you that getting the big O was so easy eh? No faking it. Just get our good friend here to get on top and whoa! moan and groan! Slowly but surely you get so used to the idea, it’s your friend, your sympathiser, your empathiser, your lover, your crack, man! It gives you a high! It’s an addiction and it’s F&@#ing with your mind.
So what do you do? Finally, finally, you decide to, with inhuman Hulk-like strength say, “Enough!” And you just go out there and take a baby step. You do what you said you would. You’re on top. Yes!!!
Today, itt’s done. Let’s worry about tomorrow, tomorrow shall we? And if you, like me, have procrastination-itis as your lifelong friend, just sing along, it’s fun, because
I got you babe! (tongue-firmly-in-cheek).
If you have other songs or melodies in any global language, that may be appropriate or not. Please. Do. Share.
Till the next one. Be brave. Till the next time when we see how to get free of the clutches of….nah! don’t worry, I got you babe!
Take care of yourself will you? For you.